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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

How can you tell there's a singer at your door?
They forgot the key and they don't know when to come in!

What's the definition of perfect pitch?
When the banjo lands in the exact center of the dumpster

... on the accordion.

How do you get two oboe players to play in tune?
Shoot one of them.

What's the definition of a semitone?
Two oboists playing in unison.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but there are three more standing by thinking, "I can do it better."

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A Flat miner.

How do you get a trombone player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

What do you do if there is a trombone player limping around in your back yard?
Stop laughing and reload.

What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?
A pizza feeds a family of four.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
Vibrato.

What is the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What is the definition of an optimist?
An accordion player with a pager.

What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead accordion player in the road?
The snake might have been on its way to a gig.

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend?
Homeless.

How can you tell when the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

How do you know when there's a drummer knocking on your door?
The knocking keeps speeding up and they don't know when to come in.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the keyboardist can do it with one hand.

Find the one that doesn't fit:

  1. The Easter Bunny
  2. An accordion player with a credit card
  3. Salvador Dali

Answer: c. Salvador Dali. He's dead but at least he's real.

What's the definition of a minor second?
Two oboists playing in unison.

What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina?
An accordion takes longer to burn.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's a pretty obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

How do you make a guitarist play quietly?
Put sheet music in front of him.

Why do drummers keep their drumsticks on the dashboard?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.

If you have any more musician jokes, please send them to me at

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