Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. What a coincidence...

Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

Brian O'Rourke

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dave Barry

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862.

Unknown

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

Unknown

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group

Unknown

Most men can at least recognize some beauty when Drunk.

Unknown

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ernest Hemmingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.

Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

David Moulton

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot.

Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Kaiser Welhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.

George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.

Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

Homer Simpson