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It's October again and the TROPIC-A has once more received mysterious signals from outer space proclaiming wisdom about the Universe.
  1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
  2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
  3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.
  4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
  5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant, unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  6. A penny saved is almost worthless.
  7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East and the Balkans. Billions of years from now when the Earth is hurtling toward the sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in those places will be bitter enemies.
  8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
  9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe we are above-average drivers.
  10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
  11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "obsession."
  12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  13. Nobody is normal.
  14. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:
  15. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
  16. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example: If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father and, therefore, not you.
  17. The same principle used for advertising products seems to apply to political advertising as well. If a politician ever ran for president under a slogan such as "Harlan Frubert: Basically, He Wants Attention," I would work for his campaign.
  18. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver His message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
  19. You should not confuse your career with your life.
  20. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
  21. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it way too seriously.
  22. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
  23. Your friends love you anyway. Your family will always tolerate you.
  24. Nobody cares if you can't dance well: Just get up and dance.
Note from the editor: It has been brought to my attention that this is from a column by Dave Barry, noted humorist. Thanks to Dave and buy his books!

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