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Things to remember...
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
A day without sunshine is like ... night
On the other hand, you have different fingers
I just got lost in thought; it was unfamiliar territory
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe
You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
Honk if you love peace and quiet
Remember half the people you know are below average
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
He who laughs last thinks slowest
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far so good
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states
Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with
No one is listening until you make a mistake
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive
Two wrongs are only the beginning
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catchup
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Change is inevitable except from vending machines
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous ... tomorrow
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you
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