35 Truths From Children
Good luck, Tim and Sandra
From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children:
- There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
- It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
- When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.
- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke--lots of it.
- A 6 year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
- man says it can only be done in the movies.
- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak. It explodes.
- A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq ft house almost 4 inches deep.
- Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
- Duplos will not.
- Play-Doh and microwave ovens should never be used in the same sentence.
- Super Glue is forever.
- MacGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
- So can Tarzan.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
- Plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5-minute response.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.